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 Forum index » Journal Categories » Infertility » Trying to Conceive - Infertility Treatments » Naja's Journal
AF, Cramps, Baby Showers, and Crocodile Tears
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Naja



Joined: 05 Jul 2008
Posts: 109
Location: New York
 AF, Cramps, Baby Showers, and Crocodile Tears
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Well AF came last night and has not been nice.  The cramps are severe and I have no pain meds.  Tylenol, yoga and tea has been my best friend right now.  I have been up since 9am which for a Sat. for me is unheard of- I usually sleep until 2pm.  The cramps woke me up and I was also cryiing when I woke up to.  I discovered when talking to my MIL that DH's cousin's baby shower is today.  I didn't even know and I mentioned it before and thought that DH was going to hound me about going but to my surprise he didn't and kept the whole thing a secret.  Did I mention that I love my hubby!  MIL asked me to text her and give her my congrats.  I had a dream about her last night that I saw her the day before the shower and later that night I saw on the news that she got arrested.  I was smiling and thinking that I was happy that she would not be able to go to the shower.  THen my mind went some other places surrounding babies and I woke up crying and in pain.  I have continued to cry all morning.  It is funny because when I was on a break getting AF was no big deal and I didn't think twice about it and I had minimal cramps.  Now that I am back on the wagon the cramping has been unbearable and  the crying has started again.  I am getting supersensitive to baby bumps too.  I hear people talking about their kids and I shut down.  I don't want to live this way and I have been starting on my journey with meditation to assist me with understanding and controlling these feelings.   Although I am a clinician I can't bring my mind to a place that psychoanalyzes myself so I am stuck right now.  DH has thrown some adoption comments into our conversations so I don't know what that means either.  This is the last year that I give myself to dream this dream so openly as long as I do everything that I want to do.  I am just in a  real bad place right now and plan to spend the whole day in bed writing articles for my website and watching Dexter and X-men.  I can't be bothered!


PostPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:12 pm

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_________________
I'm the hero of my own story.
TTC since 1999
2000- Laparascopy- right tube blocked, stage 2 endo. Took Clomid for 6 months
*8/2008-11/2008 HSG- right tube blocked, diagnosed with PCOS-Metformin 1500mg, high FSH, took CLomid 3 months, cycles cancelled due to only having eggs on the blocked side.

*12/2008 Follistim 150 mg- cycle cancelled due to egg on left side not maturing as fast as egg on blocked side. BFN.

*12/2008 Follistim 300mg, Ganarelix, HCG. 1st IUI 1/7/09, 2nd IUI 1/8/09- AF 1/18/09. BFN

*1/2009 Follistim 300u, Ganarelix, HCG IUI 2/2/2009, BFN
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