Billie
Joined: 29 Apr 2000
Posts: 1206
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 Catching Up: Entry from last spring
A time of rebirth or just mud?
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Many Minnesotans love spring. As winter drags on, they sigh longingly and complain bitterly about the cold. I, on the other hand, rank spring as my least favorite season. It is dreary, and muddy, and moldy. Basements flood as snow melts because the ground is still too frozen to soak it up. The melting snow uncovers a winter's worth of buried treasure: dirt, dog poop, cigarette butts, and garbage. Spring goes from being very soggy while the snow is melting to very dry after the snow has melted but the trees and other plants have not yet come back to life, and sometimes back and forth as it snows, melts, dries, snows, melts, dries. I really don't get what is so appealing about spring.
I asked a friend about it, a hater of winter and lover of spring. And in doing so, I discovered how it is that so many Minnesotans love spring: they unfairly offload all of spring's unpleasantness onto winter, and attribute only the pleasant things to spring.
Technically, spring starts in March and includes April and May and part of June, but spring-loving Minnesotans call the muck and yuck of March and April winter, and claim only the blossom-scented warm breezes of May and June as spring. And in doing so, winter gets an unfair rep for lasting too long and ending unpleasantly; whereas spring is viewed as the hero that gallops into town on a white stallion to save everyone from the cruel clutches of winter.
It has become increasingly obvious to me recently that what you pay attention to is critically important. I once read a quote that said, "How you spend your days is how you live your life." It should really be, "What you think about how you spend your days is how you live your life." It's really a matter of perception, and perception is a result of the attention I give certain things and the thoughts I attach to them.
For example, I dislike spring because I focus on the early part; others love it because they focus on the latter part. In recent months, I have ceased even to enjoy the things I used to enjoy, because I have focused on the unpleasant aspects of them rather than the things about them that I love. In the past, I have loved winter, because I focused on the hushed stillness of a snowfall and the pungent crackling warmth of a fire. This year, I found myself disliking winter, because I focused on the fact that I had to put on 48 items of clothing and outerwear each morning in order to get myself and the children out of the house.
I do this in so many aspects of my life. I focus on the clock, on the seconds that are ticking past and the minutes that are piling up while I wait for my children to get dressed, finish their breakfast, put on their shoes. I focus on the sibling squabbles, on the tantrums, on the sit-down strikes, on the stalling tactics, on the not listening, on the spilling of milk. I focus on the red traffic lights, the people who cut me off, the people driving too slowly for chronically-rushed me. I focus on the boring meetings, the fear of layoffs, the promotion I haven't gotten. I focus on the bad breath, the scratches on the doors, the dead patches of lawn, the barking. I focus on his being gone too much for work, the skid marks he leaves in the toilet, and the fact that he thinks it's my job to figure out what's for supper even though we both worked all day.
But if I step back and take a broader view, and if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I have an awesome life. I have a loving husband, fabulous kids, a good job, a beautiful home, fun pets, great friends, a supportive family. We have our health, and enough money, and many opportunities. So why do I focus on the parts of my life that rub, instead of all the aspects that don't?
I am working very hard at being more thoughtful about where I lay my attention. And it seems to be working. In the past few weeks, I have been noticing the crab apple blossoms outside my sunroom window. I have admitted that a sunny spring day is every bit as lovely as a snowy winter day, or a crisp fall day, or a hot summer day.
I have been noticing the beauty around me, in the sunlight glinting off a skyscraper, in the shadow of a hawk passing overhead, in the dimples on my daughter's cheek, in the mischievous smile on Neddy's face as he tells yet-another poop joke, in the earnestness in William as he recounts "true" stories told to him by classmates. I feel humbled, weak-kneed even, when I acknowledge the many blessings that I habitually take for granted.
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 Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:12 am
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