I can't believe I haven't updated this since early November.  Boy did the holidays just fly right by?!?  I should start by saying that the week of Thanksgiving, my exhusband's wife called me in the middle of the night (on a Sunday) and asked if I was "busy tomorrow?"  When I said no and asked why, she told me that I needed to go to the airport the following day and pick up my son that he had decided he wanted to come and live with me.  I think my son's move has been stewing for awhile.  My ex and his wife had separated earlier in the year for the 4th time and my son was not happy with their reconciliation.  He had wanted to stay in that town and live with his grandmother, but his father refused the idea.  As most teenagers are, he was doing poorly in school and spending more time with his friends than his family.  I won't go into the long story that leads him to my home, but suffice it to say that we are thrilled to have him here.  It has been several long years of living apart from one another and I am so happy.  I feel complete having all of my children living under my roof again.  There have been a lot of adjustments for myself, my DH and our girls, but each day gives us new chances to right wrongs and fix problems before they get too big.  I think DS has had to adjust to having more freedom as DH and I don't tend to overparent our older ones in the hopes that they will make some mistakes and learn from them.  My ex and his wife don't understand the concept or they do and are just too controlling.  So, the biggest and most exciting news is that we have a teenager living with us now and the family dynamics have changed once again.

DH was in the hospital just after Thanksgiving.  We think he passed a clot through his lung.  It was all the classic signs of it and yet, because he waited (no matter how I tried to pursuade) over 48 hours to go to the ER, there was no sign of the clot in the lung anymore.  I will consider that another bullet he dodged and I worry at night as to how many of these health issues he can have before I become a widow.  It's terrifying to think about.  As terrifying as it was when he had the heart attack and the by-pass surgery.  I worry about him constantly.  He has tried to find medications to help him deal with his stress (which is much elevated from the man I married) but no relief has found him yet.  Since I am still at home taking care of the family and the house, I just try my best to make our home the least stressful and most relaxing environment I can...with 4 kids running around!

DSD has been on the honor roll so far all year.  Of course, the school she attends is in the ghetto, so they have "dumbed down" the cirriculum in order to maintain the "no child left behind" aspects of the county school systems.  The neighborhood that DB lives in is old and run down, but it's not necessarily "bad".  However, the school district line crosses about one mile down the road from her, so instead of going to the brand new school that was built last year, she's across town at the school who's town opened up to Section 8 about 10 years ago and it is just as dumpy as the inner city.  DSD is trying her best to make friends and build relationships, but she is a sensitive child in the middle of a tough group of street wise kids who have basically raised themselves.  There are gangs at her middle school which frighten me.  It's because the elementary, middle and high schools all share the same campus.  Meaning all the crap rolls from the high school right on down.  I would never have allowed one of my children to attend a school like that, but DH has talked until he's blue in the face about a change of custody so DSD could go to school here in our district and DB will not bend.  We believe it is because she would have to take DSD on the weekends (which in all the years I have know her has never happened) and she would have her support greatly reduced because DSD would be living with us.

DD is going through a really tough stage in her childhood.  Those of you who have 6-10 year olds or raised them already know what I'm talking about.  Her need for attention is HUGE!  I do my best to compliment her positives and gently discipline her negatives.  I give her responsibilities and also tons of free time to be a kid and play with her friends.  She is a big helper and a great student.  But she is needy for me right now it's making me crazy.  It's not all the time, but it is clear that she wants more and more and more attention.  The more I give, the more she wants.  Ugh.  It's tiring even on the easiest of days.  I think the hard part for me is that I have Gracie in my arms or clinging to me almost all day, so the last thing I really want after a full day of that, is to have a 7 year old clinging to me as often as she can.  I understand it, but it tests my patience anyway.

Gracie is soo big!  I will post a picture after this and show you all.  She's still got a head full of blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.  She was a late crawler, but in the same week she learned to crawl, she learned to pull herself up on the couches and toys and scoot around.  As you can imagine in our split level townhouse, we have baby gates everywhere.  I have to secure the computer hard drive better and soon, her favorite thing to do is sneak into the room and climb under the desk or beside the desk and turn off the computer.  She does this by powering it down at the face of the computer and also at the power surge controller.  She squeals at us when she talks and this past week she learned to clap her hands!  So cute.  I have been breastfeeding, but now that she is 11 months old, I'm go to start weaning to regular milk.  I was worried about her readiness until about a week ago when after months of trying, she picked up her sippy cup and actually started drinking out of!  I was so happy.  So, she is drinking a good amount of juice each day and really only breastfeeding in the early morning, bedtime and as a pacifier for her naptimes.  Next week I'm buying whole milk and start trying to work it into her diet. 

Now, for me.  On the subject of breastfeeding, I'm done.  Emotionally and physically I'm done.  I have enjoyed most of this time, but the last three months have been really hard for me.  My condition has worsened as the hormones of pregnancy have left me.  I've had a hard time recently with racing thoughts, manic activites, lack of ability to sleep and irritability.  As I wean her off, I will be able to begin to take the medications I have not been taking since before her conception.  I hope that will bring me back to a more even emotional keel and I will be a better mother for it.  I feel recently run down and depressed.  DH and I have faced some really tough times recently with the economy as it is and him being the only bread winner.  I can pay the bills, but Christmas was a nightmare.  I hope that after she is weaned I will be able to do some waitressing part-time to help pay the bills, too.  I figure even if I work 3 or 4 nights a week for a few hours, I can make the money for gas and groceries or pay a bill or two.  Every little bit helps now.

Anyway, I'm gonna close and try to post a pic of Baby Ava.  She's not such a baby anymore.  Gosh, it's hard to believe it's been almost a year.