Hard to believe I have just about 3 days left of being Pregnant. Soon I will be awake all hours feeding my little one. Now that I'm staring motherhood in the face again I think I've changed my mind! Not really! Jeesh, I'm starting to remember all of the things Motherhood entails, and don't know why I didn't remember this stuff before. The worrying, the soreness, the obsessing... There is one GOOD thing about being an OLDER Mom... I really do think I have more patience, and can let a lot more things roll off. When I was 20 I obsessed about EVERYTHING, now I TRY to keep things in perspective, and the obsessing to a minimum. It's not fun to think that I will essentially be a single parent for an undetermined period of time since DH has been transferred to a town 5 hours away. I guess it's better than being unemployed! He's not happy about it either, but he plans on coming home most weekends. It'll be quite a trek for him but he's willing to do it. PLUS the job has possibilities of overtime; which means more money for a nanny. How about being up all night with a cranky baby then getting up early to drop the darling off at someone's house on your way to work, so you can work all day and do the whole thing in reverse and repeat mode... everyday??? I'll need help and we're trying to find a live-in.

Things are what they are and I can't change anything but the way I react. I know the next few months will be a test of my nerves; my mother will be visiting and so will every overearing/well-meaning friend, SIL, and woman in the vacinity. I have already had small arguments with my best friend and mother (who will come to visit different weeks in the first month after the baby is born) over being told that I will be leaving the house and leaving the baby with them while they are here. I have no intention of leaving my new baby until I have to or WANT to. I am trying to take it as a compliment that they want to spend time with my little one and allow me some time away, but I won't be FORCED- by either of them. AND I know when I LOSE IT and tell them off (they BOTH will INSIST!!!!) they will blame it on Postpardum hormones. That's just as bad as when people say "It must be THAT time of the month!" I'd like to tell people "...No, I'm just a B*tch and have been a bad mood for 30 years!"

All-in-All DH has been VERY sweet, though Clueless. He cooks and cleans. Though I cannot always eat what he cooks and don't like the way he cleans. Cute note: he told me that he won't be away for any more than an hour at a time after the baby comes (until he goes back to work). I don't know what he expects to happen in an hour, but if he wants to be here all the time then that's fine with me. I appreciate him wanting to be around the baby that much. I think he's a little afraid of babies (too late now!) so he'll have to get used to the little guy.

Well, this will probably be it for the journal for a while. Wish me luck and speedy delivery of this Precious Cargo I'm carrying!