Renata
Joined: 26 Feb 2002
Posts: 408
Location: UK
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 The irony
(2 comments)
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There is something wonderfully transient about Facebook. You post a snippet or your life, happy or sad and then it just slowly fades away down the page until you forget about it, very much like the emotions you felt when you first wrote it. I was about to write a Facebook update and for whatever reason suddenly stopped myself. I think it was because my urge to write down what was on my mind didn't correspond with the short, snappy commentary style of the Facebook update. It also seemed just too raw and personal to be stuck amongst the posts about farmville and baby announcements. I didn't want my temporary sadness to make anyone else sad I guess, and I certainly feel no great desire to have anyone feel the need to pray for me or send me hugs or whatever makes them feel better about how bad I'm feeling or how unfair life is, when in actual fact I just wanted to write, to get the sadness out of me. So here I am, over a year since my last post, it seemed like the obvious place to come. I'm still on my mothering journey, we just took a different, slightly bumpier, uphill version of the road most others are trundling along, and this afternoon just happened to be one of those unexpected flat tyre moments. Ironically I was in a perfectly good mood before I started some more form filling. I spend my life writing about Dominic. Different departments, all incapable of communicating with each other expect me to do the hard work for them, with the onus being on me to not forget anything and to not miss anything out when documenting all the complexities that make up Dominic. Now Dominic is so part of my life that I find it hard to dissect every little detail and examine each little nuance. No three year olds are 'normal', they are all bizarre alien beings that are put on the planet to perplex and in the same moment entertain their parents. But when you have a disabled alien you're expected to be able to summarise each strange part of them for scientific, or indeed local council dissection. So here I am with another form asking me to once again look at my son and lay bare all the gloriously negative details about sharing my life with him. Fun. Another two hours of my life lost forever while I document for faceless strangers how living and caring for my funny, beautiful, loving little boy negatively impacts on myself and my family. I had to go and sit in another room after a while as it felt like the worst kind of betrayal sitting cosily next to him answering questions about what a burden he was to me while he was leaning against me chatting away being about as cute as possible just to spite me. What bitter irony when I reached the last question which asked about my emotional well being, I was of course far too upset and far too busy beating myself up for all my failings as a mother by that point to possibly be able to fill that box in. Thankfully any black clouds always appear to be fleeting and overhearing Dominic singing his version of High School Musical into Lilia's HSM microphone as I finally flung the completed form on the table was enough to make me chuckle myself out of it. Cruel mother that I am, I hid around the corner with camera poised and secretly filmed him, now that's the sort of thing that is begging to be shared on Facebook, it's far more appropriate.
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 Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 6:27 pm
_________________ Renata
Single Mummy to:
Elliot born 17th October 2002
Lilia born 22nd October 2004
And little Dominic born 30th September 2006
  
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