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Cindy
Joined: 18 Jun 2007
Posts: 47
Location: NY
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 First Day of School and other stuff.
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Well, today it was back to school for Mel and John. They both did great. Mel was pretty much skipping onto the bus. And we have the same driver that we had last year--Eddie. As Melody says all the time, "Eddie rocks!" She's been saying for the past two weeks, "I really hope I have Eddie again", so needless to say she was ecstatic when she saw him pull up. I was too, as I know she is in good hands with him behind the wheel. When she got home I asked her how her day was and she said, "Great! First grade is awesome mommy--we get homework every day!" I'm glad she's excited about that, because I know I am NOT! I'm quite certain that the whole homework thing will grow old very quickly though.
John will be attending two preschools this year. He will be in a morning program five days a week at the highschool, and then three afternoons a week he will be at the preschool he went to last year. So three full days and two half days--this is my way of prepping him for next year's full-day kindergarten. The afternoon school doesn't start until Friday, although for some reason I was convinced it started today, but the pre-k at the highschool did begin today. It was only one hour and the parents stayed for the whole time--just to get the kids acclimated to the classroom. John seemed to do well. I had brought him in last week to meet the teacher and see the classroom, so I know he was comfortable going in this morning. I also had a nice conversation with his teahcer last week regarding my concerns about John and the possibility of having him re-evaluated for services through the district. I also found out that they do a screening of every child in the program in October, so that is a really good thing. I'm excited about this program--I think it will be great for John.
This week has been a complete emotional roller coaster for me. On Saturday we received an email from Tom's sister, who watches the kids for me on Mondays, asking to shorten her day on Mondays. That completely put me over the edge. Unfortunately, my job SUCKS and I don't have flexibility when it comes to that. I of course began kicking myself for leaving my job where I worked from home on Mondays--and it's been over two years since I left! As for why, she said her youngest is cranky when he gets home from school and she really wants to have time to spend with just him before her older son gets home. OK, I get it---you have to do what you have to do for your kids. But a little advance notice would be nice. I did manage to find a home daycare that would be able to take the boys on Mondays only, and it's half of what we pay Tom's sister! So, if it works out I might just try to add a second day to give my mom a break. Anyway, Tom talked to his sis today and told her that we were putting the kids in daycare on Mondays. Really, it's only Bobby. John is in school until 2, and he'll be so pooped when he gets out of school that he'll probably just crash when he gets to the house. Anyway, she ended up telling Tom that she'd been having a lot of trouble with John and that he has been very mean to her youngest son (who is 4 years older than John, but is special needs). Now, when I picked the kids up on Monday she told me that John had a couple time outs during the day because he was having a hard time listening. But that's different than saying he's been hard to handle and extremely mean to her son. I really wish she had told me what had been going on. Of course, all night now I've been just beating myself up over this whole thing. John is tough--he has been since he was born. He has gotten better with age, but he still has his moments (had one tonight, as a matter of fact). But now I feel like a failure of a mom. I feel like my child has issues that I'm not able to help him with---that I haven't done a good job of teaching him how to deal with his frustrations, and how to handle his emotions. And I blame this all on the fact that I work full-time. Let's face it, the majority of his waking hours he is with others, mostly my mom. And my mom is not really doing much to stimulate him during the day. Just typing this I'm feeling my heart racing and my chest is tightening up---I really think I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. And dammit, here come the tears again. UGH! It just sucks---knowing your child needs you and not being able to be around more because of a stupid, freaking job that you have to go to.
So, on Tuesday Tom calls me at work to let me know this job that he had interviewed for and turned down had called him and made him another offer with much more money. We were talking about how if he were to go to it and make that money then I could eventually go down to part-time (after paying down debt first, of course) and I was really starting to get excited. Initially I didn't want him to take this job because he'd be giving up a lot of perks--major flexibility (he pretty much makes his own hours and can work from home whenever he wants), which is key for me because I don't have hardly any flexibility and my measly two weeks of vaca goes very fast with sick kids and school functions, a company car that I can drive as well and that he doesn't pay for gas for, and the fact that he his able to work with his folks on their business-, which he'd have to give up if he took this job. Plus, he'd be working 10 times harder. But when we talked about it, and the more I thought about it, I thought it would actually be great for us because the additional money would allow us to get rid of some of this debt that is just weighing us down, and then perhaps by next summer I could go down to part-time. In light of the issues with John, and the Monday thing, and wanting to give my mom a break, I was really starting to think it was the right thing for us. Then tonight he gets a call from his folks regarding the business (Home Milk/Dairy Delivery). Apparently they received threats from one of their competitors this evening. What is so scary about that is this guy knows where they live---they run the business out of their house. Anyway, now Tom is just not sure of what to do and I think he's leaning towards not taking the job because his parents need him more than this company.
Hence the roller coaster ride I've been on--daycare issues, John issues, the possibility of increasing our income and eventually cutting my hours only to be faced with keeping the status quo. So when is it exactly that life starts to get better?
With regards to John, I'm going to call his pediatrician tomorrow. A couple years ago he had given me the number of a doctor who specializes in behavior issues. Problem is this guy doesn't take any type of insurance, but I'd be willing to pay for a consult to see what this doctor sees in John. In the meantime, I'm hoping that he is so tuckered out on Mondays that he's a quiet, lazy little guy for the new sitter. All I need is for him to act up there and have her kick him out.
Real quick on Bobby---kid is still a dream. He just started clapping two weeks ago this Friday. And he says "yay" when he does it too--so cute. His new thing is he tries to snap. It's hysterical---if you snap in front of him he'll try to also--he does actually have his fingers in the right positions. He also does this rocking thing that cracks me up--he gets into the crawl position on his hands and knees, but instead of crawling he rocks himself back and forth and makes the funniest noise. I laugh so hard every time he does it.
OK, now I really must shut this down and get to bed. Not that I'll get sleep or anything, but I have to at least try. OH, one other note--this Sunday I'm going to see a psychic. Couldn't come at a better time, huh? This is not something I've ever done, nor have I ever really thought about doing it. I've always been to scared that they would tell me something bad. But one of my coworkers went last weekend and after what she told me happened I am so intrigued that I just have to go to check it out. Of course, Tom thinks I've lost my mind. It is quite possible these days. But with all that is going on if she is really a psychic she should be able to read some good material from me. We'll see what happens! One thing I will say is she told my coworker (who I will be going with) to "be careful driving up." I certainly hope that doesn't mean she saw something already! 
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 Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:02 am
_________________ Cindy
DH Tom (10/24/98 )
DD Melody (6/1/2003)
DS John (7/17/2005)
DS Bobby (9/19/2008)
My sweet angels up above:
Anthony Jude - born 7/9/2004 at 19 weeks
Angel baby 4/2/2002
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